|Kristin Leigh Mullen, PhD||
Although it has been about a month since I've blogged, I have not stopped creeping and crawling. It's amazing this newfound quiet space in my brain. I still can't describe it well, but it is making a huge difference in my life. I used to have major issues with obsessive thinking. In fact, I think it was a way to keep much of the additional stimuli from sinking in. So, for instance, I would count to 18 or 20 over and over and over again, or I would say the word "OK" over and over and over and over again for hours at at a time. I tried telling a doctor once that I didn't think anymore, and he looked at me like I'd truly lost my mind, so I said "never mind" and never mentioned that to anyone again. But I seriously had stopped thinking about real things, and I let these obsessive thoughts take over, for years. As a child, I grew up in a highly dysfunctional environment with lots of psychological and emotional abuse, so this obsessive thinking probably began as a way to cope with that, but it became a major problem in my life. The crawling aspect of Brain Highways has helped to calm that obsessive thinking in immeasurable ways.
The other major changes that have occurred with the creeping and crawling are still underway. For example, my anxiety is practically gone. I feel calm most of the time, and I'm enjoying reading and writing again. I'm still nervous about my writing; I don't feel that it is very good, but at least I'm doing more of it. I'm also continuing to retain what I read more than I had been able to in the past. It's amazing the knowledge I feel I'm gaining, which I was unable to do for so long. The other phenomenal change is that my chronic pain has all but disappeared. My head still has a lot of soreness and pain, especially around the temples, jaw, and base of skull, but the pain in my neck, back, shoulders, and hips has mostly dissipated.
For Brain Highways to completely re-organize my brain, I need to log somewhere between 150-300 hours (and I'm really hoping for closer to 150). I've logged around 40 hours so far. I should be closer to 50, but life has gotten in the way on a few occasions - conference presentations, travel, and such.